Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
