Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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