Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
