Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
