neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
