By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
