just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
