I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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