In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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