So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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