It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
