I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
