Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
