Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
