Everything about him screamed your future.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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