im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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