I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
