Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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