I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i just had sex bonerless
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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