you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
