then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
