My hand turned me down
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
