My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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