I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
