My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
