No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
