my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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