i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
