shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
