Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
