Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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