no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
