he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
