Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
