this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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