I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
