I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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