i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
