if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
