I got chris browned last night
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
