This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
please come you make the beer taste better
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
