If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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