he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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