quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
