Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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