yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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