This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
