Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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