Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
