Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
