No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
