another moral hangover. fuck.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize